Esteem Yourself!

Many people struggle with self confidence, anxiety, depression, and lack of self esteem. 

It can be difficult!  I know- I have struggled with them in the past!

This subject has been weighing heavily on my mind lately.  I've thought and thought and thought and THOUGHT about how in the world I can help young people who struggle with these insecurities and feelings.

I was reminded of the scripture in Matthew: "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."  Many of us do love our neighbor.  Many of us would do almost anything to please those around us and bring them happiness and joy. Let's flip this scripture around:  Thou shalt love thyself as thy neighbor.

So here's the grand question:  How do we love ourselves as if we were our own neighbors?

Let me tell ya'll a lil story:

"A young man died, and upon arrival at the Pearly Gates was treated to a tour of heaven and hell before his final assignment.  Hell was first, and he was surprised to find it a room of lavish banquet tables, laden with wonderful things to eat.  The people there, however, were emaciated and crying out in hunger.  The only way to gain access to the food was with extremely long-handled spoons permanently attached to their hands.  When they tried to put the spoons to their mouths, they found it impossible to reach.  So the residents of this home of the damned cried out in anguish as well as hunger.  The young man on the tour averted his eyes in horror.  To see these people starving in the midst of plenty was more than he could bear.  He begged to be taken away from this place."

Those who were in hell were trapped.  They loathed themselves, unable to give themselves the physical nourishment that they needed.  That's what happens when we have low self esteem.  We are unable to nourish our spiritual, emotional, mental, and often times physical beings because we are so focused on what we cannot have.  For those in hell, they were focused on the food they could not eat.

The story continues...

"Imagine the young man's surprise on arrival in heaven when he saw identical tables and identical food.  The people here, however, were well fed and happy.  There was laughter and music and delight.  At first the young man thought that the access to the food must be easier.  Then he saw it.  The food had to be eaten with the same long-handled spoons.  The people in heaven, however, had discovered that the long-handled spoons worked very well to feed the food to each other.

"Energizing love is served with a long-handled spoon.  You cannot feed it to yourself.  Most of the people in the world believe that you can.  They tell you that you must.  It becomes an urgency, to 'feel good about yourself,' a strain to admire yourself, a demand to be admirable.  This self focus will keep you from peace.

"If you feel hungry for love, grab hold of a long-handled spoon and feed love to others.  Miraculously, you will begin to feel love coming directly from your Father in Heaven, which is the purest sort.  His long-handled spoon will reach out to you."

I know God is there.  I know He loves each of us, and will always reach out to us.

I know He also needs us to be His hands-so that He can reach out to others.

(Story: Confronting the Myth of self-Esteem, pg. 58-59)

Day #20: Zone Conference

Today we had Zone Conference in Nashville Tennessee.  It was one of my favorite days.  Ever. 

Like one of the best days of my life!

I feel in a daze... I'm so happy.  I feel the spirit.  I know this Church is True.  I love the Bible.  I loved learning about our Savior Jesus Christ today.  I love the Book of Mormon.  I love that it testifies of the Messiah.

I learned so many wonderful things, but today I only want to share one of them.

(A special thanks to an amazing Mission President-President McKee for teaching us such great ways to cope with trial and pain)

This box has a bandaid in it.  This bandaid represents the pain, heartache, frustrations, and all the unfair things in life.  Some days, when we get out of bed in the morning, this is all we see...

the pain!

When we focus on the pain, that's all we see.

But if we take a broader view and look at the things we can accomplish and the blessings we have, then our perspective is changed.

We see a bigger picture.  Once we look for things we CAN change and we begin to look at the blessings we have, then it's easier for us to find even more blessings.

The trials we have are not diminished.  The pain is still there.  But we are focused on the good things in life.  We are focused on our blessings. 

We have the gift of choice.  Each day, we can choose whether to act to situations, or react.

This Christmas is a time to ACT!  Choose to act.  Avoid the tendencies we all have to look at the "down-side" of things.

"Just because you are in pain doesn't mean you need to be a pain." 

-President and Sister McKee

Days #16 & 17: Return to Virtue

Growing up, I never felt pretty enough.  I grew up with two best friends who were absolutely gorgeous.  One had the perfect hair.  Long, brown, thick, and shiny.  The other had every other feature that I lacked.

Around my 8th grade year, my self esteem began to plummet.

I found myself staring into the mirror, wondering how I could go out in public with such a hideous face!

At the grocery store, magazines would line the check-out counters.  Women who looked perfect and flawless stared back at me, as if to taunt me. 
"Look at us!  Look at how beautiful we are!"

I wanted to be beautiful.  I wanted to look like those women!

I wish I could say that I had one significant incident that changed my thinking.  I wish I had an elaborate and wonderful story about overcoming the world and turning away from hollywood beauties--but I don't. 

It took me years to recover from those negative thoughts.  It took a few damaging experiences to realize that I was worth something to someone.  I searched for compliments from others.  I tried to feed myself from the faults of others.  But I was missing one important lesson--you cannot feed yourself.

"A young man died, and upon arrival at the pearly Gates was treated to a tour of heaven and hell before his final assignment.  Hell was first, and he was surprised to find it a room of lavish banquet tables, laden with wonderful things to eat.  The people there, however were emaciated and crying out in hunger.  the only way to gain access to the food was with extremely long-handled spoons permanently attached to their hands. When they tried to put the spoons to their mouths, they found it impossible to reach.  So the residents of this home of the damned cried out in anguish as well as hunger.  The young man on the tour averted his eyes in horror.  To see these people starving gin the midst of plenty was more than he could bear.  He begged to be taken away from this place.  Image the young man's surprise on arrival in heaven when he saw identical tables and identical food.  The people here, however were well fed and happy.  There was laughter and music and delight.  At first the young man thought that the access to the food must be easier.  Then he saw it.  The food had to be eaten with the same long-handled spoons.  The people in heaven, however, had discovered that the long-handled spoons worked very well to feed the food to each other.

Energizing love is served with a long handled spoon.  You cannot feed it to yourself. Most of the people in the world believe that you can.  They tell you that you must.  It becomes an urgency to 'feel good about yourself,' a strain to admire yourself, a demand to be admirable.  The self-focus will keep you from peace.

If you feel hungry for love, grab hold of a long-handled spoon and feed love to others.  Miraculously, you will begin to fell love coming directly from your Father in Heaven, which is the purest sort.  His long-handled spoon will reach out to you."

(Confronting the Myth of Self-Esteem. pg. 58 & 59)

We must reach out with our long handled spoons and uplift one another!  I'm grateful for the example of Natalie Bishop-a Sister Missionary in the Tennessee Nashville Mission.  She is constantly reaching out to compliment others and build them up.  Her attitude is one of a "long handled spoon" that she feeds others with daily.


The days when I feel down, I know it is because I am not focused enough on those around me.  There are so many people who need the Lord's love in their lives.  I can provide it for them as I love them and feed them with a "long handled spoon"!

The Savior taught us, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind... this do, and thou shalt live."  (Luke 10: 27 & 28)

If we love the Lord with all the energy we can muster, we will live in happiness and peace.  We will feel His loving arms surround us in times of emotional breakdown.  When we feel our lowest selves, He will raise us up into His safe embrace.

No magazine, media figure, false role model, or hollywood star can bring that same confidence.  Nothing can provide us with more love and energy than our Heavenly Father, and that's exactly what He is-Our literal Father.

"What could be more deceptive than to entice women, young and old, you and me, to be so involved in ourselves, our looks, our clothes, our body shape and size that we lose sight of our divine identity and our ability to change the world through our virtuous influence?

"Now is the time for each of us to arise and unfurl a banner to the world calling for a return to virtue."

(Elaine S. Dalton 2008)


I am grateful for the faithful parents, leaders and friends who have taken part in this call to Return to Virtue.  They are an example to me and have spent years building and lifting me.  It's because of them that I am here as a missionary.  It's because of them that I understand my divine purpose in my Heavenly Father's plan.